I tend to wear hope out from overuse. At some point you have to back away from the tiny picture in front of your eyes to understand everything isn’t always visible from where you’re standing
The tooth fairy never existed; someone just loved you enough to keep your innocence alive as long as possible. I’ve heard people compare the elderly to children; maybe that’s where my inexplicable reliance on hope comes from. Sometimes I forget some things are just meant to be, no matter how distasteful.
For me, everything turns into rainbow soup.
When I wake up in Never-land, I enjoy myself because I’m not really thinking about the absurdity of it all. I go with it so I don’t mess it up. But some days, for no obvious reason, I wake up on the other side of the party, and everything turns from balloons and confetti to something less joyous.
90% of the time I can figure out why. It happened this morning. I had a bad dream, one of those about people you love, and the difficulties they experience. For half of the day gloom persisted, so I knew there was more to it than a dream. So I let myself go down the dark rabbit hole and found the problem.
I’m honest with myself, and I know enough to respect the fact that deep down inside I’m still a child afraid no one will love me. When I make promises, I keep them; but not everyone does. The little girl in my heart forgets that from time to time, and when something happens that keeps her from believing in the tooth fairy, she gets sad until she connects enough dots to be okay with letting the issue go.
Someone broke a promise to me. Not once, but four times. It’s time to let it all go. It’s time to move on. It’s time to quit making excuses.
Being honest with myself always makes a huge difference. It lifts the burden. I’m not responsible for others, only for myself. And I am woman of my word. I have to be because the child inside is counting on me; and I would do most anything to keep innocence alive in this harsh world. And I love myself enough to try.