Category Archives: cultivating and using wisdom

Slip-sliding along

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All the preparation in the world will do nothing to lessen the silent explosion that descends upon us the only way time knows how to travel. Defying lasers, cat gut and high end facial abrasion, gravity descends in subtle waves and full-on attack, claiming new territory by the minute.

I began mental preparation when I was 59; a lot of good that did.  By 62, I was in a quiet state of panic.  By 65, denial had become impossible to sustain, even on good days.

I would like to say I made the transition from bud to fading blossom gracefully, but I cannot.  I never judge another woman’s choice for surgical intervention; it simply wasn’t for me.  I’m an old nurse; saving things is what I am trained to do.

Also I am a collector and admirer of junk and antiques, finding comfort in well-worn patinas boasting generous use.  I love chipped paint and rust, and admire the simplicity of unsophisticated lines and primitive art.

I patch, re-purpose and restore, but never refinish.

So treating myself differently than I would an old crate made no sense no matter how much time I spent standing in profile in front of the mirror pulling a cascading chin back to a more flattering pre-menopausal position.

I wrung my hands for years fearing the great evolution would morph my lovely pear into an awkward apple, feeling as if that day would strike like a bolt of lightning, or like a tragedy at sea, the captain of a sinking ship lost to sharks in uncharted sea.

But if anything, passage was silent and endearing as I fell in love with the soft, loose texture of my own skin, and the pinkness of my scalp shining like new planet in an unexplored galaxy of snowy hair. And I was oddly amused by the sound of my voice, the way it creaked like sore knees around words spoken more slowly and with less certainty than before.

Like a memory of the chair I rocked my babies in, I can see our history in my hands.  And I like that.  A lot.  So now I am between a walker and heels.  I never hold my stomach in.  Hate Spanx and the likes.  Wouldn’t wear one even if it was a gift.

In my sewing studio I have a photo gallery of women who inspired me in life.  They have all passed away now, but I see them in my face every day, with my glasses on, of course.  And I want to be like them.  Graceful, full of joy and palpable peace,

a mischievous spark shining in my eyes as I creep toward 70.

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Why dreaming is important, part 1

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hazy moon through leaves

Our hearts beat; our lungs expand and contract, our stomachs process foods we eat. Our eyes blink, lubricate and react to emotion, darkness and light. Our kidneys and colons process and eliminate wastes. The body is genetically programmed to operate in ways that ensure balance. Dreaming is an essential element in that process; it is an unavoidable way for the subconscious mind to get our attention when attention is needed. Dreams link subconscious proficiency to conscious experience.
When body systems fail to function properly, we get sick. If the brain sends scrambled messages to an organ, it will malfunction. If we are born with poorly developed or damaged components, we exhibit various levels of inability to function at optimal levels. When we ignore our dreams we are ignoring messages our bodies have deliberately sent to educate, alert and synchronize our physical bodies with the rhythms and currents of the external world in which we live.
Dream messages are crucial.

dream path in clouds

None of us is simply a body or a brain; we are multilayered, multidimensional human beings with subtle and overt energies. For the most part, medicine divides man into two categories: physical and mental. The church goes further by acknowledging the mind, body and soul.
Being a registered nurse I have faced both the positive and negative sides of medicine and its community; but because I am a deeply spiritual woman I have learned to look pass staples of science and religion, finding my own way to incorporate personal beliefs into the gear and pulley system of my everyday life.
When I was 23 I survived a catastrophic automobile accident, but not before experiencing clinical death. I’m not sure if it was the search for answers to the journey I took during the time doctors worked to save me that awakened innate senses and instincts that had, perhaps, been locked inside my practical life or if in deed, near death itself gifted the new awareness that was pivotal. None-the-less, my focus shifted dramatically sending my mind down rabbit holes I had never even noticed before, let alone explored.

dream shadow

In my search for personal truth, I have discovered the depths of the two aspects of all living things, the external world and a very powerful internal realm. When I learned to trust and heed knowledge I gained from internal energies, I was able to directly impact the external realities in which I live. Without that balance, I often felt I had little or no control over events in my life, when actually I had merely failed to recognize and employ inner strength in response to them.

weird dream symbol

Paying attention to and understanding your dreams is an aspect of deeply knowing yourself. We all have the ability to recognize dream symbols and the quirky tales they weave as we sleep, but most of us have forgotten how to access or interpret that knowledge. We live in a world of instant-ness; everything is set in fast-forward. Reconnecting or awakening inner terrain is always a process, it is the elevation and evolution of thought and always takes time and patience.
Cultural trends have dulled our sense of inter-connected-ness with others. But its effect has wounded us on even deeper levels. While it is true there is deep satisfaction in having a rich spiritual life, it is a fundamentally necessity to develop and utilize internal wisdom. Learning how to interpret our dreams is a way of doing that. In my next few posts I will share with you a bit of my inner journey, and suggest a few ways you can use your dreams to navigate life.

happy faceauntbeamephoto