After some pretty significant health problems the past few years, I’ve spent a great deal of time trying to find a good balance between what I want to do and what I can. I’m more Fall Chicken than Spring Chicken as an aging Baby Boomer, but my bucket list is still pretty long. And while I won’t see the Aurora Borealis in person, there are many other goals I’ve made throughout life then set aside for whatever reason seemed pertinent at the time.
There are promises I’ve made myself and then dismissed as too grandiose. Even worse, from time to time I find I’ve limited myself using the excuses that some of the dreams I dream are selfish or silly. Just thinking that makes me nauseous because I’m not one who buys into the Selfish Guilt Trip Philosophy society sometimes uses to restrain us from reaching for the stars, rather than keeping our noses to the grindstone, asking no questions. Also to say a goal is silly is to diminish personal potential and only shows I have more work to do in regards to self-esteem.
Maybe no one out there knows I’m a somewhat of philosophical rebel; if not, that’s because I haven’t spoken up. What I have done is share one aspect of my life, keeping the rest under wraps because it’s easier that way. That’s a back track on my behalf. In 2000, I quit approaching life from a non-adversarial vantage point, deciding direct attack was a more effective choice.
It was during that particular revolt I changed my perception of the word selfish, exchanging the word with the more gentle term: self-is.
Things got a lot easier for me after shifting that perspective. By ditching an overused word and altering its definition, I removed the negative implication. Although a rather simple concept, it was necessary for me to overcome my overwhelming tendency to make choices dependent on pleasing others, rather than considering my own needs and wishes.
Like any habit, practice is involved.
I recently received notice from WordPress it’s time to decide whether or not I want to renew this account. I’ve given the question a lot of thought and decided, Yes, I do want to continue Aunt Bea Me, but I want to come at it from a different point of view.
It’s almost as drastic as Betty Crocker saying she’s decided to produce shoes.
I have another WordPress site, ittymac, it presents a different side of me; but without realizing it, I seem to have been sharing a tamer side of myself there too. I think I slipped into such a good place after marrying Richard and experiencing unconditional love, I got a little lazy.
No one likes conflict. Well, maybe some people do, but I’m not one of them. And as I mentioned before, I waver a bit when it comes to issues of self-esteem. Even so, I’m stepping out of line and drawing a bit of attention to myself. I’m not trying to save anyone. I’m not trying to steal the spotlight either; I’m not trying to do anything. I’m just opening my mouth and letting all the stuff inside come out.